There is Always a Plan

That moment when you shuffle your music and a song comes on. Suddenly that song triggers a memory and suddenly you have a flood of emotions.

I never know exactly what to do or where I should be going in my life... but I do know that I love what I have done and the places I have been. Yeah sometimes looking back at the past can be painful or full of confusion, but yet those are times that I wouldn't change for anything. Yes there are times I wish I had done something differently or I wish I could take something back, yet those are the moments that I have learned from the most, and what an amazing blessing that is.

A few weeks ago I had the amazing opportunity to be able to hear Elder Ballard speak at a YSA fireside while in St George. During his talk he spoke about how we may not always know what lies in store for us, but there is always a plan. What an incredible thing to remember. I know I personally feel like there are times that I am stumbling through life not sure of what is going on or what I should do, but it's so comforting to know that there is a plan and things will work out the way they are supposed to.

Being a young adult can be super challenging at time. It can be a moment of limbo. Who am I going to marry? What should I do after I graduate? What is the next step in my life? Should I have gone on a mission? Did I choose the right major? Those are just a few of the questions that I ask myself quite a bit and sometimes it's hard just have that faith to know that thing will work out and that everything will be okay, because there is a plan.

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and for the knowledge that I have of the true church. Sometimes things may seems hard and like you are walking blind through a massive field, but if you put that trust and faith in our Heavenly Father we will be guided and things will work out. What a comfort that is and I am grateful for that reminder every day.

Time

You know those times where you feel completely stressed? Like you don't have any time to just be you and you just need some space? I am one of those people that loves to be around other people. I often hate being by myself for long stretches of time cause I start to feel lonely and just need some social interaction, but there are other times where I just need time to myself.

This is one of the most important things I feel I have learned in some of my classes here at college. In my Major you take a lot of classes where you learn that it's important to have some "me time." Take time to collect yourself and do what you need so you can be the best mom, wife, friend, employee etc that you can be.  We learn that if you don't have that time you start to get really frustrated with just little things. You reach the point where you feel like "I don't want anyone to look at me, I don't want anyone to talk to me. Let me be. Don't get in my way. Let me do my thing." No one likes being that person. The best way to treat that is to take some time for yourself, even if it's just 15 minutes.

There is a quote from Oprah that I love... she says, "Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can here my own." I completely agree with this. Everyone needs that time where they can just sit and think and figure things out. You need to be in tune with yourself before you able to completely and fully help others.

I love having my me time. I go into my room and do the things I've been meaning to for the past week or so. Clean. Nap. Just anything to have some time to myself. That time that I can just sit and think or listen to music without being interrupted. I love being able to have a Netflix marathon and watching a whole season of my favorite show in just a day. That time that I just get to do what I want and I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone around me because there is no one around to care.

I feel like lately I haven't been giving myself that time and boy has it taken its toll.  I don't feel like myself sometimes. I feel depressed and annoyed. I have no desire to get anything done. But that's not me. So this is my promise to myself that I will do whatever I have to in order to carve out a little me time so I can continue to work towards being that person that I've always wanted to be.

Simple Things in Life

Lately I have been either super stressed or super distracted. I don't really know what's going on that is causing all of this.... (actually I do, I just don't want to get into it right now). But it's times like theses I have to look at the simple things in my life that make me so happy.

I have been blessed with an amazing friend down here at SUU. I think God definitely knew what he was doing when we were put into the same apartment. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. Whenever I am struggling she pulls me into her room and just helps me get away for awhile. She is always there for me. So I'm pretty lucky.

There's also just the tiny things you don't necessarily notice every day...

A phone call from your mom
Getting a good grade on an assignment
Sleeping in
Your favorite song coming on the radio
Reading your scriptures
Putting on sweats and just relaxing
Drinking hot chocolate
Going to your favorite restaurant
Finding a letter in your mailbox
Laughing with your friends
Telling stories from the day
Having sleepovers for days
Crawling into your cold sheets before falling asleep
Getting a hug
Chocolate
Drinking chocolate milk and crying
Watching your favorite show on TV with your friend
Buying matching PJ's
Taking pointless videos and pictures
Listening to old voice mails
Praying and just getting everything out
Whispering in the dark with your best friend
Pigging out in the kitchen
Listening to your favorite playlist
Looking back on your favorite memories
Reading old journal entries and seeing how far you've come

This list could go on and on. Every one of those things has helped me through hard times. I just need to open my eyes and notice these things that happen so often and really appreciate the good times I have had. When everything seems to be falling down around  you, just remember the things that make you happy. Life is hard sometimes and that's undeniable, but if you take a step back and look at the big picture....  your life is amazing and you don't want to miss a second of it.

Learn and Change

I feel so blessed. Being away at college has been both a challenge and a blessing. I have experienced so many things and already learned so much. I miss my family and I miss being close to my friends, but I wouldn't change this experience for anything.

I have learned so much about independence. I get to live my life the way I want to and do what I want when I want, but that can also be a challenge. I don't have my parents there to make sure I go to church or class. I don't have them there to remind me to read my scriptures or do my homework. I have so many choices and sometimes it can be very overwhelming. But I have this opportunity to show myself what I am truly capable of.

I am striving to live my life to the fullest and reach my greatest potential. I am capable of doing so much, so why not strive for that. I don't know who wouldn't want to be the person they've always dreamed of being. So this is my chance. This is my time to reach that potential to live my life and change for the better. Now is the time to work toward being that person I've always wanted to be. I know it's not going to happen over night and it's really going to take a lot of time and effort to do that, but isn't it worth it?

I want to be able to look back at this time in my life and know that I did as much as I could. I worked as hard as I was able to be a better person. So here I go off on a new adventure and ready for new experiences. It's not going to be easy, but in the end it is going to be so worth it.

Faith

Recently one of my roommates came to me with some pretty intense questions about our church. Someone of the things that we believe don't always have a lot of proof and solely rely on faith. It really got me thinking.

I found a quote that I really liked.
There are times when we have to step into the darkness in FAITH, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do. - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I love how he sums it up so simply. We have to trust in God and rely on our faith and everything will work out the way it is supposed to. That is such a powerful statement.

I really don't know what I would do without the gospel in my life. I feel like it would be so lonely and long. Not knowing why you are here and why you are struggling with the things your struggle with. It would be such a hard life. But I know for a fact that our Heavenly Father is there and that he loves us. He is always going  to do what is best for us and help us become the person we want to be. I have so much faith in the Lord and the plan of salvation. I know that this church is true. I know that I have a purpose here on this earth and that I am here for a specific reason at this time. I know that through Him I can repent and be a better person. I know that we have a modern prophet at this time. I love this gospel with all of my being.

Used

You know those times where someone says something or does something and you just feel completely used? I have experienced that feeling a few too many times in my 18 years and it really starts to get old. I think I just have a hard time understanding the whole why do I deserve this when all I tried to do was be nice and be a good friend. It just wears you out. But I have learned a lot from these experiences.

I have learned to let things go. I can't spend my life focusing on all the stupid things that people do. It's time to start focusing on myself and my life. The only person that gets to determine how I react and how I feel about things is me. So why do I let myself get down? If anything I should feel lucky that I figured everything out sooner than later.

I really am so blessed to have so many special people in my life and it's time to start focusing on them rather than the people that were in my life that hurt me. Like the good old song from Frozen suggests I need to "Let it Go" and move on. I get to live my own life and make my own choices.

Starting Over

Exactly one post in 2013 and here it is almost the end of 2014 and I am back. I love redesigning my blog to match who I am now and going through the process of picking a new background and new fonts. There is something cleansing about it. Starting fresh, but my past is still there to remind me where I came from and who I used to be. I may be a completely different person than I was back in 2012 but that used to be me. That still represents who I was and how far I have come since then.

So much has changed in the past two years. I'm off at college starting a whole new life for myself. Figuring out who I really am and where I want to go in life. Meeting new friends and just completely starting over. I didn't really know anyone here when I started, but I guess that's the nice thing about moving away from home. You don't have a past that everyone knows. I'm no longer the girl that everyone in my hometown has known since kindergarten or junior high. I get to be who I want and it's the best feeling ever. I have made some new friends that I know I am going to be friends with for a long time.

There is a reason I am who I am today and why I am here at SUU. I may not know that reason right now, but I know that there is a purpose for me moving three hours away from home. I am so excited to be able to live my life here and figure everything out for myself. It's been an amazing month down here already and I can't wait to see what happens next in this crazy adventure of life.